


sunshine

by hoshiumiii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27038551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoshiumiii/pseuds/hoshiumiii
Summary: kinda old, i just posted it here for preserving
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> kinda old, i just posted it here for preserving

It was nighttime. Dark grey clouds floated in the charcoal black sky, obscuring the twinkling stars and the glowing moon as it passed by the tinted window. Hinata went to stay at Kageyama's house for a sleepover, and Kageyama surprisingly agreed.

But the two boys didn't take notice of the cloudy weather or was having fun like most sleepovers do. Instead, they focused on their schoolwork. The deadline of Kageyama's mathematics project had neared and he didn't really want an earful of sermons again.

Kageyama sat on his messy bed, his laptop whirring and running beside him as he highlighted his notes, while Hinata sat on a swivel chair in silence, occasionally doing a full twirl on the chair that would cause a very annoying creak.

The duo didn't engage in any conversation unlike usual, Kageyama remarked before that he loses focus every time Hinata starts talking. Hinata wanted him to finish as soon as possible, so he decided to shut his mouth for the time being, and kept himself preoccupied by softly chewing on the dirty eraser of his pencil.

Comfortable silence engulfed them─that is, until Kageyama abruptly closed the textbook he held and flung the already tattered object across the room, leaving it neglected. Hinata flinched at the violent reaction, frowning as he raised one of his eyebrows.

"Kageyama-kun, what the heck?" Hinata asked. Without replying, Kageyama shut his laptop close and placed it on the nightstand drawer, rubbing his sunken eyes. He laid down on the bed, breathing quite shallowly whilst Hinata stood up, peering over to check on him.

". . . Are you dead?" Hinata joked, slightly laughing, "I mean, mathematics is hellish and all, Kageyama-kun, but it shouldn't be enough to kill you."

"Shut up," Kageyama groaned. He closed his eyes as he rolled over, so he was lying on his side instead of his back. "Hinata?"

"Yeah?"

"You're coming, right?" Kageyama asked out of the blue.

"To the what?" Kageyama was sure Hinata had tilted his head to the side, an adorable habit he does every time he was questioning something.

"To the . . ." Kageyama paused when he sniffled. He rolled over again to face Hinata. "Funeral."

Hinata's facial expression visibly softened as he climbed onto the bed to sit beside the other male.

"Of course I am!" He exclaimed, a bit too loudly now that he was closer to Kageyama's ear. "I'll be a bad friend if I didn't!" He added, puffing his cheeks out.

"Friends do this?" Kageyama muttered the question directed to himself more than to Hinata.

"Well, duh!" Hinata hugged and tackled the oblivious male before him. The back of Kageyama's head painfully hit the wooden headboard, but he didn't bother to bring it up when Hinata suddenly pulled away.

"Friends are supposed to be supportive." Hinata squinted his big eyes at him. "But we're more than friends, right, Kageyama-kun?"

"Yeah." Kageyama nodded. "I guess so."

Hinata gurgled out a weird sound. It sounded like one of those gwah and bam words he makes when describing any of Asahi's powerful spikes. He then hugged Kageyama again, this time, he buried his face onto his chest, snuggling further.

"Though . . ." Hinata looked up at Kageyama as he spoke, his normally loud voice trailing off to the volume of a mere whisper. "I don't think I'll be able to support you all by myself, considering this person's very dear to you."

Hinata then looked down, his front teeth pulling back his bottom lip. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Kageyama ruffled his soft locks. He then turned off the lamp placed on the nightstand, leaving the moon and the overheating lightbulb over their heads to be their source of light. "That's okay."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

"Well. . . alright! Now come on, let's sleep," Hinata said, a smile easily forming into his face again. Kageyama was about to say something else, a sign of agreement or something, but Hinata added another thing.

"I'm still not tired, but you've been looking like a zombie this past week." His comment made him receive a smack from Kageyama. The young setter hit the back of his head since his left hand had been resting on Hinata's lower back.

"Shut up," Kageyama scowled, only to hesitate and bite back a retort when Hinata rubbed the back of his head, trying to ease the spot he had hit. Kageyama gritted his teeth, "that didn't hurt, right?"

"Yeah, it's fine! It's not like I'm gonna earn a bruise from it." Hinata waved his hand dismissively before chuckling. "But you really do look like a zombie!"

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"Goodnight, Tobio." Hinata rested his back against the futon, pulling the fluffy blanket Kageyama had lent him over his clothed body. Kageyama followed suit after he set the alarm clock, yawning once he realized it was around eleven-thirty already.

Kageyama buried his face onto his pillow. His voice was muffled when he talked, but it was surprisingly understandable.

"Gwoofnight, wumbass."

"Can you not─" Hinata opened one of his eyes, even though he knew Kageyama couldn't see him.

Kageyama's cheeks flushed as he corrected himself. "Goodnight, Shouyou. . ." He lifted his face off the pillow, sparing the shorter boy a glimpse of his pinkish face.

"Aww! Tobio!" Hinata drawled, only for the other boy to throw a pillow right on his face.

"Just go to sleep already, dumbass!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Kageyama-kun?"

Kageyama snapped out of his haze. His endless train of thoughts abruptly ended when his ears no longer muted his surroundings. He could now clearly hear someone pitifully sobbing and some soft muttering from another person behind him.

His eyes frantically flickered left and right, searching for whoever spoke. He looked over his shoulder, then spotted Iwaizumi─the upperclassman was staring at him. His eyebrows were knitted together, which formed a very distressed and worried expression Kageyama didn't really like.

"Yes?" Kageyama mumbled. His voice sounded strained and raspy, like he had used most of his voice shouting and screaming.

"You zoned out . . . for a while now. Are you okay?" Iwaizumi asked, obviously concerned for his well-being. He tried to reach a hand out to pat Kageyama's back, but the younger male only dodged the attempt, leaning away from the limb.

No. I'm not, Iwaizumi-san. He's dead, why should I be okay? Why should I be fine after he died?

"Yeah, I'm fine." Kageyama nodded. Even though Kageyama's voice didn't crack or break as he said that, Iwaizumi didn't buy his act. Iwaizumi narrowed his emerald eyes at Kageyama as he withdrew his hand.

Kageyama, mentally squirming under his senior's doubting gaze, looked away and instead directed his attention to the window beside him instead, watching as they drive by trees and people. Kageyama heard Iwaizumi behind him let out a sigh, and the shuffling sounds he heard meant the latter leaned back to his seat.

He didn't dare to turn around, as he listened to Oikawa exchange words with Iwaizumi. Their voices were low and feeble; an obvious attempt to avoid Kageyama overhearing the conversation. 

They sounded worried about him, and that only brought more guilt to weigh on Kageyama's shoulders.

Biting the inside of his cheeks, Kageyama tried to ignore their conversation and paid attention to the other people inside the vehicle, hoping to distract himself from Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

On the driver's seat was his father. He looked very stoic with his blue eyes glued to the road, but Kageyama knew better─his old man adored his lover and was quite excited for him to be his son-in-law. His sudden death could have at least take a toll on him.

His mother, who had sat on the passenger seat, didn't bother to look mighty and tough in front of her son. She softly sobbed against the silky handkerchief she held. Since her black hair was tied to a bun, Kageyama could get a glimpse of her badly smudged make-up.

He expected his parents and his two upperclassmen in the same vehicle as he, but he was a bit surprised when he saw his two former teammates, and of course, Shouyou.

Hinata sat very close to him; so close that their shoulders and thighs were touching. His eyes were closed as he hummed a catchy tune. He stood out from the sea of monotones since his orange hair was the brightest colour inside the car, a complete contrast to the heavy atmosphere around them.

Kageyama expected Hinata to be with his mother and sister─since he has motion sickness and was always seated on the passenger seat for safety measures.

Kunimi was beside Hinata. His long bangs, which usually was neatly parted to the sides, shielded and covered his eyes. His breathing was slow and shallow, so Kageyama assumed he was asleep.

Kunimi's head rested on Kindaichi's shoulder, who was gazing out the window. Kindaichi's eyes were puffy, red, and half-lidded like he was sleepy. He didn't seem to mind Kunimi using him as a body pillow─hell, he even looked pretty happy about it despite his exhausted appearance. It allowed Kageyama to amuse himself for a few seconds with the idea of his two former teammates dating.

A few more minutes onto the ride, and Kageyama felt another hand land on top of his shoulder─the sudden action gave him a mini heart attack and, once again, broke his train of thoughts. He craned his neck to face the person and mumbled out a small what? as he did so.

Oikawa sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, the sad smile he had on his face ruined his beauty. "You doing okay, Tobio-chan?" He asked, his voice dripping of sympathy.

Oikawa never showed much empathy toward him, and for obvious reasons. Though when he did, Kageyama could tell when he was being genuine or not. And in this case, he was.

You can at least give a good response, a voice on the back of Kageyama's head nagged.

". . . I think I'm not," Kageyama replied tiredly. The dark purple rings underneath his eyes looked more prominent and only darkened further when he spoke.

His honest reply made Oikawa perk up, as if he was expecting to receive a lie or two like his ace had gotten. The brunette quickly wiped off the shock though, realizing that he was being rude. 

"I'm here for you, you know? We're not exactly . . . close. But Iwa-chan and I are here to listen to you, alright?" 

Kageyama silently nodded at his words, which caused Oikawa to smile. Oikawa gently removed his hand, and he slumped on his seat; his head immediately resting on Iwaizumi's shoulder like it was a reflex.

"I guess we shouldn't worry about him too much, he may think he's a burden," he heard Oikawa whisper, most likely directed to Iwaizumi as usual.

I already think I am, Kageyama agreed inside his head. He let out a heavy sigh and focused his gaze outside, mimicking whatever Kindaichi was doing, and observed the path they were going through.

The massive buildings didn't appear anymore as tall, green trees took over the scenery. The smooth tar road had transitioned to a bumpy path made out of small pebbles, rocks, and gravel a few minutes before. Every once in a while, they would pass by a hiker or a person jogging, oblivious to the melancholy the group felt.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The more Kageyama thought about the car ride, he could later recall why Kunimi and Kindaichi were car-pooling with him. His parents had decided that his former schoolmates will go with them instead of the Karasuno boys for a few reasons; one, the latter were sure reminders of the deceased boy─which was probably the least Kageyama would want at the moment.

Two. Tanaka, along with Nishinoya, crying was annoying as fuck. As much as Kageyama respects the two, they were just too much─even in this shitty situation where everybody would cry like they would.

Three. All of them will probably get all emotional and distract his father, the person who's driving the car─Kageyama is okay with the idea, but he didn't want his family to be a blood splatter and descend to hell or heaven before he could see his lover's face for the last time.

Maybe after the funeral, but not now.

Four, they would probably cry so much that Tobio was sure it'll only worsen his mother's fragile state─and fragile was already an understatement.

His middle school team was calmer. And even though the silence they held was very, very uncomfortable. Not to mention, a teeny bit awkward and suffocating (Karasuno did took their chance to go to the nationals) it was better than Nishinoya wailing about how life wasn't being fair.

Still, they could never relate to his suffering. They weren't as close to his deceased lover, like his teammates at Karasuno was.

But that didn't give him an explanation on why Hinata was here . . . Kageyama brushed it off anyway, at least he had a teammate sitting with him in this backseat filled with volleyball rivals.

Soon enough, Kageyama ran out of things to think about and his mind slowly succumbed to sleep. His head slightly shifted to the side, which resulted in having his left cheek be pushed against the glass of his window. Darkness engulfed the corners of his eyes and he did nothing to stop it.

That is, until, Hinata squirmed in his seat. He was obviously eager for the drive to end.

"Kageyama-kun," Hinata tried to rest his head and his mop of orange hair on Kageyama's shoulder, but his short height made it only possible to lean against his biceps, which wasn't that bad either. "What's wrong?"

Kageyama snapped his eyes open. everything was still black, but Hinata was clearly beside him. He looked like he was floating. The seat he sat on was also black─mixing onto the vast sea of darkness that swallowed Kageyama's vision.

Kageyama replied plainly, sending the joyous ginger a side-eye. "It's called a fucking funeral, Hinata."

"You can cry, Kageyama-kun, I won't judge!" Hinata smiled, clasping his hands together.

"You will." Hinata only pouted at his retort before he shook his head in denial.

"I won't! Pinky promise!" Hinata cutely held out his right hand with his pinky finger raised.

What are you, a child?

Kageyama only stared at it, hesitating to wrap his own around the other's. Hinata didn't think of his hesitation weirdly, and instead patiently waited─ his smile not even faltering one bit.

Just as Kageyama was about to do so, a hand suddenly cupped his left shoulder. Hinata slowly lowered his hand, his head turning to the hand's owner.

"Tobio-chan. Come on."

Kageyama took a deep breath, while he repeatedly blinked his eyes. The blackness formed shapes and gained colour right after, revealing Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and everybody else again.

"We're already here," Oikawa murmured, "you zoned out for a moment there, you good?"

Kageyama only nodded. Oikawa failed to notice that Kageyama was tightly grasping onto his dress shirt, his fingers slightly wrinkling the soft fabric. The brunette only flashed him a smile before he started to fix his own attire, moving back to sit on his seat properly, and letting go of Kageyama's shoulder.

Kageyama glanced around again, only to see Hinata and Kindaichi were already waiting outside─completely waking up a very tired Kunimi in the process.

Kageyama slowly opened the door on his side and hesitantly stepped out, slightly stumbling as his feet landed on an uneven spot. He took a deep breath, the tension from the car ride disappearing as the fresh air quickly entered his lungs. It gave him a feeling of alertness, and the numbness of his legs soon faded away.

Kageyama pocketed his cellphone, which he willingly neglected using because of his wallpaper, before he took in the sight of the cemetery, his eyes scanning around the area for the one they will be attending.

Numerous tombstones decorated the grassy ground, and there were some short stone tracks that lead up before each one grave. A few people were there visiting; most had bouquets of beautiful flowers in their hands, while some were praying silently in front of their dead loved one.

Kunimi soon later stepped out of the car, closing the door for Kageyama. He (or maybe it was just his legs) was still half-asleep because he almost fell to the side, which greatly alarmed Kindaichi and Hinata.

Iwaizumi helped Oikawa get out, who later stayed behind to grab something from the trunk.

Iwaizumi lead the small group to the spot where the funeral was being held, since Kageyama's parents also stayed behind (they needed to find a better parking space) and he was, unfortunately, the oldest kid out of the group.

Kageyama didn't notice he himself was walking rather sluggishly, since he almost had no wink of sleep from the past week, excluding yesterday. The last time he had a good eight hour rest was five weeks ago, and last night's rest only lasted for what, five or six?

Kageyama only was aware of his turtle-like pace when he felt a small push on his back, and he was later being carefully guided by Kunimi. He glanced at the other male, the resting bitch face he was (probably) born with expertly hid any emotion he was feeling at the moment. The hand he was using to push Kageyama was very gentle though, like he was afraid that one wrong move could break Kageyama.

More guilt was placed on Kageyama's shoulders, but it slightly decreased when Kunimi caught his staring, his eyes slightly widening. Kunimi then gave him a small, lazy smile.

"What, am I too pretty to look away from?" Kunimi then cupped his own face like a delicate flower, repeatedly batting his eyelashes like a swooned maiden. Kageyama stifled a laugh with his hand and Kunimi's smile seemed to grow bigger because of this.

"Oikawa-san is really rubbing off you."

"Really now?"

Just as Kageyama said that, Oikawa soon caught up to them, holding onto white balloons that he had stored on the trunk. The brunette handed each of them one (except Hinata, since there were only five balloons) before running to Iwaizumi's side and wrapping his arm around the older's waist. Kindaichi soon teased them and Kunimi directed his attention to the couple to also poke fun at them.

Kageyama tried to offer Hinata the balloon, nudging his arm with his elbow and the balloon outstretched to him. Hinata kindly declined it, saying he had a chance of accidentally popping it before they could even arrive at the event.

As they continued walking, Kageyama looked up, immediately regretting it since the sky was so, so fucking clear. It allowed the bright fiery star to momentarily burn his eyes with its bright ultraviolet rays.

It should be rainy, Kageyama thought. His sunshine was going to be buried six feet under in just a few hours, and the sunny weather felt like Mother Nature was insulting him, mocking his lover's unfortunate fate.

"You good?" Hinata popped in his vision again. His orange hair bounced up and down as he hopped around the taller male.

Kageyama scowled at him, causing Hinata to stop his constant jumping. "Well, what does it look like?" He huffed, his grip on the balloon tightening.

"Bad, obviously. But it'll get better, I promise!" Hinata didn't flinch once he sensed Kageyama's intimidating aura. Instead, he waved at Kageyama─before he ran off to the building. The other boys didn't seem to mind Hinata going forward without them and continued with their own conversations.

The large building soon came to view, its numerous tall windows shining underneath the sunlight. The doors were pushed open, greeting whoever decided to come and attend the burial. Vines and plants decorated its exterior walls, purposely avoiding the windows to allow the light to enter the place.

Kageyama's legs wobbled at the sight─a lot of people came. He was supposed to read aloud his eulogy in front of the guests, but the thought of speaking in front of all of them made his stomach feel upset.

Is it too late to back out?

He tripped over a rock as he began to overthink, but Kunimi's hand quickly caught him. He pulled the back of Kageyama's shirt towards him to avoid him falling on his face, and after that, Kunimi continued to guide him up the stairs, keeping his eyes on him after that small mistake.

Once they were close enough to hear the chatter of the people attending, Kageyama was sure that his limbs were going to give up soon. Outside, the crowd looked moderate for a funeral─inside, it looked like there was going to be a small concert, the number of guests seemed to double, causing Kageyama to panic more.

Before he could approach his lover's mother to hopefully distract himself─Kindaichi opened his mouth to speak, but he immediately sealed his lips as three different voices exclaimed;

"Kageyama-kun!"

"Kageyama!"

"Tobio!"

Out of nowhere, two bodies: a muscular one and a very short one, tackled him. It completely caught him off guard, and he found himself stumbling back before he fell over. His grip on his balloon was gone and the helium-filled object floated into the ceiling.

When Kageyama lost his balance, his companions backed away in fear of also getting crushed, meaning no one was there to cushion his fall. Kageyama groaned as he landed on his back, the back of his head throbbing with pain because of the impact against the marble floor, trying to push off the two breathing weights on top of him.

"G-get off!"


	3. Chapter 3

Kageyama loudly yelped, his body wincing as he continued to flail and push. "O-oi!"

"It's-s not fair, Kags!" Kageyama tried to acknowledge Nishinoya's words, but the back of his head continued to throb with pain as he tried to process each syllable.

It didn't matter anyway, the libero's words were almost just pure gibberish. Because he was crying so excessively, each word was voiced out along with many sniffles and hiccups.

"I-I'm sho sorry about Shou-shouyouu!" Nishinoya immediately buried his head on Kageyama's shoulder as he said that.

His gelled hair felt prickly and was very, very sticky underneath Kageyama's chin. It made Kageyama uncomfortable, but the helpless first year was at his mercy.

Tanaka was also still on top of the duo, their combined weight nearly squashing poor Kageyama into a pancake. The two of them hugged the underclassman with all of their strength, trying to radiate their sympathy by hugging, unaware that they were, at this point, choking Kageyama.

Behind the two's heads was Hinata. He was laughing at Kageyama's helplessness, leaning back on one of the tables as he just watched.

"Help me," Kageyama mouthed to Hinata, silently pleading for help. Hinata pondered for a moment before he shook his head and walked away to leave Kageyama in the two second years' bone-crushing hug.

Kageyama felt betrayed if he was being honest.

"N-noya-san, Tanaka-san!" He tugged on the wing spiker's shirt and, with all of his might, tried to push them off him. "Y-you're both t-too heavy!"

Upon hearing his words, Tanaka got off of him quickly. He jumped back with a loud, "sorry!"

However, Nishinoya stayed in his position─continuing to shiver like a leaf in the wind. Although he wasn't as heavy as Tanaka, his grip around Kageyama's arms paralyzed the younger male in his clutches.

Then lo and behold, an angel was sent down to earth to save Kageyama.

"Noya, let go! Please get off him, Jesus Christ!" Sugawara's worried voice piped in. With a scowl, he quickly pried Kageyama out of Nishinoya's grip.

"Don't kill him too!" He scolded, gently whacking the back of Nishinoya's head.

"Sorry about that, Kageyama-kun," Nishinoya weakly chuckled, covering his face with both of his hands.

Sugawara huffed before he offered both of his hands to them. Nishinoya got up by himself, playing with his toes while Kageyama hesitantly took Sugawara's hand before he hoisted himself off the floor with his help.

"It's fine," Kageyama said as he dusted himself off.

Nishinoya nodded and backed a few steps away from him. With tears still flowing down his face, he muttered, "I'm . . . really sorry for your loss."

Kageyama stiffened at his words, and glanced at the chairs that nearly took up the whole floor, ". . .uh, thanks."

Nishinoya walked away, with Tanaka trailing behind him. Sugawara later excused himself, saying that he needed to use the toilet before he dashed off to the restrooms.

Left alone, Kageyama searched around the room, recognizing almost anybody that came. The group that carpooled with him already dispersed; blending into the crowd that ranged from important people of the deceased boy─like his mother and sister, to people he was unlikely to befriend─like Aone and Futakuchi.

The crowd consisted of a good amount of the Hinata family members, including the ones Kageyama still haven't met or seen. However, a significant number of the volleyball players Hinata met came, very close to outnumbering the Hinata family.

Long white ribbons hung from the lights, decorating the rather empty ceiling. The walls looked clean and the floor looked like it was mopped before the event started because of how shiny it was. A marble coffin was placed on the front, very far from the entrance. Beautiful flowers adorned every corner of the coffin, and a framed photo of a familiar face was placed on a tall table.

On a separate picture frame, was a printed piece of paper that said, "Hinata Shouyou. The boy who was destined to be the next Little Giant." to passersby, at least.

But to Kageyama, it was the name of the joyful volleyball player that gave warmth and light to his dull life. He was his emitter of happiness after his grandfather died; the blinding light that encouraged him to keep going; the friendly sunshine that reached out to him during his dark days; the boy who pulled him out of the deep hole of negativity and brought him to the side with the cleaner grass.

His lover.

The death happened just a few weeks ago. Hinata was already dead when they found him, so Kageyama only went to the hospital once.

Hinata's rusty, old bicycle had been crushed and thrown into the sidewalk, while his small figure bled to death after his head was broken by the strong impact of the truck.

Police assumed the carefree youngster wasn't paying attention at first until a piece of evidence proved that the truck driver was absolutely wasted during the accident. The new piece of information gave Kageyama the urge to strangle the man and scream cold profanities at him for spilling the blood of an innocent being.

Kageyama wanted to kill him, but he was better than that. He wouldn't want to be as low as the driver. Keeping in mind of what Hinata will approve, he didn't try to kill him during his blind rage fit. Kageyama let him get away from his boiling wrath by giving the driver a punch right on the jaw, but it wasn't that satisfying as much as he wanted it to be.

Since Hinata's death occurred near the end of their school year, Kageyama stopped attending his classes; practices; and instead cooped up inside his bedroom, sulking.

He would wake up to a text message from Hinata, a cheery good morning accompanied with dozens of exclamation marks and a long string of emojis. Sometimes, it was Hinata's short figure sleeping beside him─his orange curls would be a mess and a small stream of drool would be forming on the side of his mouth.

If Kageyama ever tried text back the good morning Hinata sent, the middle blocker would smoothly start a conversation, and both would lose themselves in the said conversation until their own mothers would remind them that they had school. If he were to wake up to see Hinata sleeping next to him, Kageyama would watch the other in his vulnerable state for a few minutes, before caressing his cheeks to go wake him up.

No matter how he woke up, he would see Hinata a few minutes after he left his residence. Hinata would come running up to him to tackle him with a hug, and kiss his entire face rather than challenge him to race to Karasuno's gymnasium.

The start of their romantic relationship didn't change their competitive friendship nor the violent antics that came with it. If anything, almost everything had been the same.

Koushi, being the team mom he was forcibly titled with, was afraid their relationship was inclined to be toxic or unhealthy─the two never stopped their loud banter, already bickering once they step foot inside the campus. 

Kageyama's loud smacking of the back of Hinata's head was still present, and Hinata was still firing back insults or ridiculous nicknames that he would scream right at Kageyama during practice.

But the relationship worked out and went swimmingly well. The two would come to volleyball practice holding hands, and Kageyama was sure he would definitely miss lacing his pristine-clad fingers around Hinata's reddish ones.

And so, after his death, Kageyama always woke up with way too much space on the twin bed. He would sink into his covers as he thought about the changes it was going to bring and he once or twice broke down when he wondered, who would I set to now that he's gone?

"Don't be silly, Kageyama-kun! There's Ennoshita-san, Kinoshita-san, Narita-san, Tanaka-san. . ." Hinata would say that, chuckling as he patted Kageyama's back.

"I'm not the only wing spiker in our team, you know!"

"Fuck." Kageyama cursed as he wiped the incoming tears, shaking his head to get rid of his thoughts. He lifted his gaze away from the floor and stiffened when he saw a few people start to approach him.

The Nekoma captain surprisingly went first to greet him, but his usual, shit-eating grin wasn't present. Kenma stood behind Kuroo. The blonde was also surprisingly not busy with a hand-held or a game console he brought along.

Kuroo cleared his throat and bowed a bit. Kenma then mimicked his actions, neatly tucking his long hair behind his ear after bowing. When Kageyama returned the gesture, Kuroo spoke up, "our condolences. We know you love Chibi-chan a lot and. . ." Kuroo gestured to the coffin, frowning.

Kageyama nodded, not really having the energy to say "thank you" or anything at all. He believed that if he dared to speak, he would burst to a fit of tears.

But it's not like he could be able to anyway, his constant crying made his throat hurt and he was pretty sure he ran out of tears to shed.

"Shouyou was a good friend and I know he was a great boyfriend to you," Kenma muttered, hiding behind Kuroo as he spoke. After them, everyone else almost did the same, giving Kageyama their condolences with sympathetic expressions.

Daichi and Sugawara: "Hinata was too young to die. We're sorry that he passed away so soon."

Moniwa brought along the Datekou team with him when he stopped by. The members all had their heads low, aside from their former captain, who did the talking for all of them. "He was not only one of the best players we ever met, but he was also a great friend, I'm sure everyone agrees."

Asahi, who cried a few words to him. Something along the lines of "sorry," "condolence," and "it'll get better."

Bokuto and Ushijima: "we're sure that if he had lived longer, he would definitely be a top-three tier ace."

The rest of the Aoba Johsai volleyball team went on and on about how the two of them was unstoppable, and that they would extremely miss the other half of the oddball quick duo. They, unexpectedly, gave him hugs (except Kyoutani, he just bumped Kageyama's shoulder as he walked past him) before they went to find themselves seats.

There was some people that shocked Kageyama for attending, such as a few of their teachers, coach Washijou─and for some odd reason, the vice-principal of Karasuno came too.

Even the famous Little Giant came. His dark hair greatly contrasted the pure white clothes he wore, and although his mouth was curved into a really small smile, his eyes said a different story. He nodded once he saw Kageyama and faintly gestured to the coffin, his grin faltering as he did so.

"You may want to . . . look at him. They'll be burying him soon," Tenma suggested, lightly patting the younger boy's back before he shuffled away to talk to Hinata's grandparents.

Following his words, Kageyama approached the container. His heartbeat increased with only one thought only circling his mind, what if Shouyou's injuries were worse than I thought?

He bit on his lip and gently peered over the open coffin. His eyes immediately widened once he saw the corpse.

His lover lied there, the dirty clothes he last saw him in was replaced by a clean, black tuxedo.

Shouyou's once peachy skin lost all his colour and had turned to a gross, sickly pale colour. Kageyama was sure he could see the stitches from the failed surgery on his neck; his cheeks were hollow, and his chapped lips had turned purplish. His eyes were, fortunately, closed while his orange, fiery hair was looking very much the same.

He didn't even notice the small water droplets that fell onto Hinata's jacket, staining it invisibly, until he realized he had choked back a sob. The next thing he knew, Sugawara's hand was placed on his back, soothingly rubbing small circles as he hushed him.

Daichi's calloused hands were later on his shoulders, and soon enough─the entire Karasuno team was behind him with a hand placed on his back, arm, or head.

Tsukishima deeply sighed and lowered his head, the rest following pursuit as they all observed their dead teammate, hoping and wishing that he would wake up.

But he didn't.

"Please be seated," the announcer said into the microphone. Her emotionless voice rang through the mourning place and Kageyama shuffled to sit in the front row, only because Sugawara beckoned him to sit with him and Daichi.

Semi, Shirabu, and Tendou who were seated right behind him, whispered their condolences to him when he sat down.

The woman that stood on the podium cleared her throat before she began her monologue, "we are here gathered for the burial of a wonderful boy, Hinata Shouyou."


	4. Chapter 4

"Do any of you want to say anything?" The pastor asked shortly after her lengthy monologue.

"He was a great teammate, always trying to improve and cooperate with the others. He gets along great with his rivals too, and sees them as good teachers than foes. . ."

"Shouyou made me realize my true potential, he sees everyone capable of doing something as long as they try hard enough. . ."

"H-he was living proof that anyone could reach their dreams!"

A lot of guests went up the small stage, and read aloud their tributes for the deceased teenager. Half of them nearly broke down on the small elevated portion on the floor, gripping the cordless microphone with trembling hands.

Especially Hinata's mom, she looked so devastated that even Kageyama had an urge to go comfort her on the podium.

Then the dreadful moment of Kageyama's turn soon came. He stood up from his seat, internally cringing when the chair scraped against the floor.

His body trembled in nervousness as he walked to the podium. He could feel everyone's eyes on him, silently judging his awful appearance and the faint but horrible smell he reeked of. That one feeling made him want to turn around, run outside, and stay there.

But he didn't want to disappoint Hinata.

So, mustering all of his courage, he bravely stood behind the wooden stand, his fingers anxiously tapping the smooth surface as he skimmed over his written eulogy.

His lips twitched as his eyes began to water again, "u-um..."

"Shit. . ."

Kageyama opened his eyes, quietly cursing the useless blinds as they didn't stop the bright rays of the sun from pouring inside his room. He automatically reached for his phone on the bedside table, his finger hovering above the screen.

Instagram: you have 1 new follower.  
Contacts: you missed 1 call from Yamaguchi Tadashi.  
Facebook: Koushi Sugawara tagged you in a post.

No new messages from Hinata? Kageyama questioned before he tapped on the contacts, about to call his lover and ask if he was sick. But he halted when his alarm popped up. With his finger still hovering over the bright screen, his eyes watered as realization slowly kicked in.

His alarm read - Hinata Shouyou's burial, today, at 12:00 pm.

"Are you really dead?" Kageyama groggily asked as he laid on his bed, watching Hinata stroll around his messy bedroom with a laundry basket on his arms. He picked up three more socks sprawled on the floor before he regarded Kageyama's question.

Hinata stopped in the middle of his pacing, turning around so his body was completely facing the other male in the room. "Yes, why?"

Kageyama slowly sat up, careful not to get a blood rush. "Why . . . why are you here then?" He asked.

"Your mind doesn't want to accept the fact I'm dead . . . I guess?" Hinata shrugged, his smile slowly disappearing.

He then approached Kageyama's bed, sitting down right beside him, ". . . I don't mind though, it's cute that you miss me."

"Hinata-boke!" Kageyama shouted, loud enough for his lover in the distance to hear. "I love you! Be safe!"

"Bakageyama! I love you more!" Hinata shouted back as he started to climb on his bicycle. He had to separate from his lover because Kageyama didn't live in the same street as he did. He was about to pedal away on his bicycle, but Kageyama shouted again.

"Impossible!"

Hinata laughed before he kicked off the support stand on his bicycle, "it's possible and I'll prove it someday!"

"Bye! I'll see you tomorrow, Tobio!"

Kageyama sniffled, shaking his head as he desperately tried to continue, "I-i'm sorry t-that I didn't come home with y-you. . ."

"You would be a-alive right now if I did. . ." He stuttered out, his voice fading to nothing but a mere whisper. He looked down at the crumpled piece of paper between his hands, the material nearly ripping because of his tight grip.

.  
.  
.

Oikawa went behind him and patted his back, "you don't have to continue anymore if you can't, Tobio-chan."

He gestured to the chairs. "I can finish your speech for you if you want?" He asked, whispering so that his words wouldn't be heard by the microphone.

Kageyama nodded, his voice had no intention of speaking again anyway. Oikawa gently handed the younger boy to Iwaizumi, who had been waiting on the side of the podium to guide Kageyama back to his seat.

Once he was seated again, Hinata appeared out of thin air and sat beside him, his big doe eyes swimming in small baby tears. Kageyama felt his heart clench, even if he knew the Hinata before him wasn't alive. Or existing.

"D-don't cry," Kageyama whispered. Hinata shook his head before he climbed onto Kageyama's lap. He gingerly raised his hands to wipe away the tears that escaped from his boyfriend's eyes.

However, instead of drying his eyes, Hinata's slender fingers just faintly brushed over his skin; passing through the saltine liquid that flowed down Kageyama's cheeks.

Hinata smiled, trying to hide his disappointment, "stupid ghost hands. . ."

Kageyama's lip trembled before he squeezed his eyes shut, "I-i'm sorry I didn't f-finish."

"No, no! No worries, you did well! If I were you, I wouldn't be able to speak at all!"

Hinata stayed silent after that, giving Kageyama the chance to listen to the people around him. Everyone was quietly listening to Oikawa, who was loudly reading the second half of Kageyama's eulogy. Kageyama stared at Oikawa standing on the podium, hoping he could thank the brunette later when the funeral was over.

The guests went outside to watch the burial, the melancholic air suffocating their quiet chatter. There were two large men, wearing matching white uniforms, in the middle of the grassy lot. They carried, lowered, and carefully placed Hinata's coffin inside the six feet deep pit they had prepared for him.

Before the two men could fling the dirt over the coffin, they gave the guests another chance to say goodbye. The crowd forwarded in small groups, saying their last words to Shouyou's corpse.

Once they were done─they tossed, threw, or delicately placed the white roses they bought for him, before stepping back to make way for the two workers.

Hinata's ghost perked up when he saw Kageyama place a big sunflower bouquet on top of the coffin, instead of the prickly roses. He smiled, it was Kageyama's and his favourite, after all.

When the marble container was no longer visible because of the dirt the two men were shovelling in, it was when the previously clear sky had started to darken.

A bunch of grey clouds floated and crowded the once blue sky. As if on cue, everybody started to open their own black umbrellas to protect themselves from the incoming rain.

When the burial ended, Kageyama felt a slight buzz on his pocket, indicating he had a new notification. When he checked his cellphone, it said that a storm was incoming.

Maybe, he smiled, Mother Nature misses Hinata too.

The guests slowly dispersed and went to commute in groups or separately, leaving behind the students of Karasuno and a few adherents.

Minutes flew by quick and they were forced to leave. The winds blew stronger and stronger while small, cold droplets of rainwater began to pour on them.

Sugawara gave them individual hugs before walking away with Daichi, Asahi and Kiyoko. The second years decided to go eat first. Tanaka invited the remaining first years if they wanted to join, the big smile on his face crinkling his puffy eyes.

Yamaguchi agreed and convinced Yachi and Tsukishima to come along, but Kageyama refused, saying he needed to go home. He bade them a short farewell before he jogged to the car his family owned.

When Kageyama climbed onto the vehicle, he was immediately greeted by with the sight of his companions slightly busy with their cellphones. One thing he noticed was that Hinata was no longer inside the car, leaving an empty seat between him and Kunimi.

He looked out the window to see that a translucent body towering over Hinata's grave. The phantom's orange hair swayed with the strong winds of the storm, yet he didn't seem bothered at the slightest.

Hinata waved his hand once he spotted that Kageyama was inside the vehicle, peering at him with a concerned expression.

"Bye-bye, Tobio!" He shouted, still cheery as ever.

Kageyama didn't wave back, but Hinata still stood there, his hand repeatedly doing the same motion like a loop animation until the car engine started. The car slowly drove out of the place, and Kageyama saw Hinata lower his hand when they drove past by him, closing his brown doe eyes.

He didn't follow Kageyama around anymore. It made Kageyama feel a bit guilty, as he left the non-existing ginger out in the open, with an incoming storm to create havoc.

But he knew he had to stop pretending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not sure how to write the lyrics in without it looking awkward so i just deleted them but now it looks incomplete ozajkz


	5. Chapter 5

Dear (my) dumbass, I miss you.

So so much.

How are you up there? The other dead people have been treating you well, right?

I know that . . . you'll never reply (or be able to at all) because wherever you are─that place probably doesn't have mailboxes, cellphones, or anything that can allow you to communicate with me: a mortal.

But, I can't help it. I feel like . . . I should keep this up? I want to keep writing letters to you.

I haven't completely . . . I want to keep a connection with you. And writing letters seem to be the answer right now, I want to carry you along the rest of my life.

And to be honest, I wrote a bunch of letters for you, but this is the first one that isn't going to be stored forever inside that box. I'll leave this at your grave, so you can grab it if you can . . . and I'm going to read it aloud to you before I do that.

Would you like that? I think you would, you were always a sucker for sappy shit like this (just please don't let the wind take this away, my letters are not Mother Nature's business).

But anyway, it's been . . . three years? No. It's actually five years? I'm not so sure anymore, Shouyou, time passed by slow after you died.

I guess that makes you really significant for me. If I think about it, seventy per cent of my time was always spent with you. Every morning, I'll see you on the way to school; before class, you would visit me in my classroom; during lunch, you would find me just to sit next to me and we would eat lunch. 

After class . . . we would race to the gym together. I really miss that.

And every time there was volleyball practice, we were always practising, and goofing off along with Yachi, Stingyshima, and Yamaguchi.

I really, really miss you.

On a different note, I haven't seen the ghost of you. Is that good? Is that a sign of improvement? A sign of good improvement?

Whatever it is, I've been able to sleep well now. Your ghost told me before that I looked like a zombie─I asked Oikawa-san if I did back then, and he agreed.

I guess I did? That would have been a great Halloween costume.

Oikawa-san and Iwaizumi-san have been helping me greatly this past five years. They're like my support system.

I live with them, and it's really fun since Oikawa-san would drag us out of the house at twelve pm just to raid convenience stores, or stay at parks to look for aliens until the sun rises. Iwaizumi-san also cooks really great, he's like five-star chef! I can give you some of the food he makes as an offering?

Being under the same roof with them really lifts my spirits up, though it's kinda annoying when they kiss and stuff . . . since you're not here.

But who am I to judge? I'm probably just jealous, that's what you would say. I've never found a girlfriend or a boyfriend after you. There were some people who asked me out, but I denied them─which means it's pretty much my fault for being single at the moment anyway, haha!

I don't need anyone anyway. Aside from you and some important people in my life, I don't think I need a lover yet. I missed all the lovey-dovey shit we do, but I'm sure it's because it was you. 

You were an amazing boyfriend, by the way, I regret I never was able to say that to you.

You know, I achieved my dream.

Partially, at least. I wanted to be in the national team with you, you know? But since you're gone, I guess it's not really fulfilled . . . ?

In case you didn't know, or you weren't able to watch the news from up there, I'm a successful pro volleyball player now. I play for the Schweden Adlers, playing alongside Ushijima-san and Hoshiumi-san. Funny how our biggest rivals turned out to be my teammates.

But Bokuto-san and Atsumu-san plays for the Black Jackals. Which means they're our rivals in our next match.

I wonder if you would play for the Black Jackals because you had shown interest in them before.

. . . maybe you would have. That would be weird. I never played against you aside from that one match during middle school . . .

Who do you think would win if we did fight? I always think that if we were to play on different sides of the court, I would accidentally set the ball to you out of habit. Then you would spike it, and we'll probably realized we fucked up 0.2893928 seconds after.

As much as I want to keep writing and make this letter a fifty-page essay, I have to, sadly, attend practice now.

Know that I love you lots and lots, and again, I miss you so much.

\- K. Tobio, your lover ♡

P. S ; Bokuto-san said that you better watch him beat me and my team on television.


End file.
